What I Want Every Parent to Know Before Their Child Starts Middle School

I’m a former middle and elementary school counselor, having worked with hundreds of families through one of the most neglected transitions in a child’s life: the transition from elementary school to middle school. It’s a time of change—some thrilling, some frightening—and all too often, parents find themselves scratching their heads about how to better navigate their child emotionally and psychologically.

Middle school is more than a new grade level. It’s a new world. From new friends and increased autonomy to roller coasters of emotion, children are learning to navigate more than a building. Here are three things I’ve learned students actually need during this transition—and how you can begin preparing now, with simple tools that create lasting effects.

Beyond “How Was Your Day?” Emotional Check-Ins

By the time they reach middle school, children’s lives are more emotionally complicated—but perhaps not so much their language to describe it. Being a school counselor, I found that my students most often didn’t have the language to define the way they really felt. That’s when behaviors—withdrawal, frustration, or attitude—would manifest instead of words.

Daily emotional check-ins open up space for honest, open conversation. They don’t need to be lengthy or profound—just regular. When children feel safe to share how they are feeling without risk of dismissal, they start to feel seen and safe.

Resource to Try:
[Download the Free Daily Mood Tracker]
A easy-to-print tool that assists tweens in identifying their feelings, looking back at their day, and developing emotional wisdom in the long run.

Routines That Teach Independence (Without the Power Struggles)

Middle school life requires children to balance new tasks—handling homework, coping with changing classes, handling time. Most children, however, have not been given an opportunity to master those skills prior to that. And that mismatch can cause them apprehension at home and anxiety at school.

What has best worked for me is beginning small. Mornings routines, flyby checklists, and soft planning tools will teach children independence gradually—not at once. Perfection is not the aim, but development.

Meaningful Connection That Builds Confidence

By the middle school years, kids typically begin to pull away—not because they don’t need you anymore, but because they are attempting to discover who they are. As a school counselor, I learned that one of the most influential protective factors for this age group was attachment at home.

You don’t need big words or grand gestures. What’s most important is being a steady, reliable shelter. Conversation starters, common interests, and even a 5-minute check-in can keep those lines of communication open.

Resource to Try:
[Middle School Prep Kit – 12 Printable Pages]
Includes conversation cards and connection-building activities that are built to take your connection with your tween deeper in an active, hassle-free way.

You don’t need to be an expert on parenting in order to assist your child to succeed at middle school. Through the use of several well-thought-out strategies and a willingness to learn and grow alongside them, you are able to provide your child with the emotional support to feel secure, supported, and prepared for this new phase!