Pre-teen life is a fascinating, sometimes bumpy, ride. While kids are coping with huge changes and identity formation, good communication is not about instructing them on what they should be doing, but about really connecting with what they’re becoming. As a school counselor, I witness daily how transparent communication can transform problems into opportunities for growth.
Our new infographic, “Smart Parenting: The 5 Best Ways To Communicate With Pre-Teens,” condenses top strategies. Let’s take a closer look at each because becoming proficient at these skills is the key to building trust, understanding, and emotional resilience in your child.
- Listen Actively: Hear Their World
It’s simple to say, but in our busy lives, listening deeply isn’t always easy. Active listening is more than waiting patiently for your turn to speak. It’s more about putting your phone aside, making eye contact (where appropriate and comfortable for them), and fully engaging your pre-teen. When they feel heard, they feel seen, creating a foundation of trust that encourages them to open up more often.
2. Plain Words: Kind & Clear
Pre-teens are developing their abstract thinking, but plain, clear, kind words remain your best ally. Steer clear of very convoluted sentences, jargon, and sarcasm that can easily be misconstrued. Your word choice and tone show respect and comprehension, drawing them in to talk instead of closing down talk. Plainness cuts down on miscommunication, and kindness ensures you’re doing it for them.
3. Empathize: Feel What They Feel
This is probably the most powerful weapon in your communication toolkit. Empathy is the act of trying to see things from their point of view, even when they appear irrational or over-the-top to you. Acknowledge their feelings — “You sound very upset about that homework,” or “I see why that would sadden you.” Validation isn’t always agreeing with their every move, but it makes them realize that their feelings exist and are important, which is essential to their emotional development.
4. Ask Open Questions: Get More
Instead of “Did you have a good day?” (which tends to elicit a one-word response), ask questions that require explanation and detail. “What was the most interesting thing that happened today?” “How did that make you feel?” “Tell me more about [specific event].” This gets pre-teens to talk it out, work it out, and provides you with a glimpse into their world that you would otherwise never see.
5. Watch Your Tone: Actions Speak Too
Communication is more than what we say. Our body language, facial expression, and tone of voice say a whole lot more. A sigh, crossed arms, or an annoyed tone can shut a conversation down absolutely dead, even though your words are absolutely reasonable. Notice your non-verbal signals. Use an open, relaxed, and friendly position that says you’re willing to listen, not judge or lecture.
A Tool to Break Down the Walls: Your Free Pre-Teen Mood Tracker!
Getting to know what your pre-teen is thinking is the key to finally getting them. That’s why I’ve designed a Free Daily Mood Tracker for Pre-Teens! The easy, rapid check-in form (the “Vibe Check”) allows pre-teens to understand how they feel, notice what’s stressing them out, and even prepare themselves for a better day.
It is an excellent resource for pre-teens learning to put words to their internal world and for parents who want to establish those communication boundaries. By providing them with a clear avenue of expression, you can hear more actively, feel more intensely, and ask more focused open-ended questions.
[Freebie Daily Mood Tracker Here!]
Get this free resource today and take another smart step toward opening your pre-teen’s relationship. Open communication is the key to their emotional health and to your enduring relationship!
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